I have been doing a lot of reading on Spirituality as of late, which I have never really done a lot of. I realized that I have the “religion” aspect of Catholicism down, but I have really lacked the “spiritual” side.
I know all the rules and regulations of Catholicism and the “why” behind them. I have come to see how these rules are meant to ensure our happiness, in much the same way a parent gives their children rules, not to repress them but to protect them. Once you understand them, however, they cease to be rules because you lack the desire to break them. That part I have, but I realize it is only half of what I need.
Spirituality is the next step I want to take and really grow in.
I have always shied away from spirituality, especially public displays. I am, (which I know is bad and I’m trying to work on it) in many ways a “closeted Catholic”. In public one would hardly guess I’m a devout Catholic, and I rarely talk about my faith, unless it is to defend something (I naturally love to debate so it’s hard for me to stay silent). Even when saying grace at a restaurant my sign of the cross looks more like I am scratching my head. Of course teaching at a Catholic school makes things a lot easier and it’s part of my job…how many people get to go to mass on the clock. I admit I have a pretty sweet gig.
Perhaps thats why God has me working in a Catholic school, to help me gain more confidence in being more open with my faith. It has already helped me so much teaching students about Catholicism and I am grateful for that opportunity. I eventually want to get to a point where I can pray the rosary with my aunt on a walk and not start mumbling when we pass someone. Where I can actually discuss spirituality with my mom, instead of changing the topic when she tries to engage me. Where I can be a leader in my faith rather than a follower.
Spiritual Exercises that I need to make a habit of:
Reading Scripture daily, Rosary (almost daily), and contemplation while on my walks. Continue to pray for courage and to really make that last leap of Faith.
I also need to find a group where I can engage and discuss things of a spiritual nature…I think that would help.